“House Every Weekend”

I often wonder what it is that makes house music so popular amongst the generation of teens of which I am part of. Thankfully for my mother, I do not let myself indulge in such an aggressively growing drug fuelled culture. But with the legacy of the hacienda well and truly behind British pop culture why is it now that it has spawned in the southern regions and became the least respectable “scene” amongst all the other naff “scenes” in modern music?

Where did it all begin? With the meteoric rise of the two brothers that make the house music duo Disclosure, the scene formed an alliance with almost every English teenager. After this, the shallow record label executives that are currently the strong staples in the music industry spotted somewhere that they could make money and decided to exploit it.

This then manifested into almost every single club having their dingy basement room rented out to the local house DJ so everyone and their mum could enjoy a line of MDMA and get sweaty with their friends. But my point isn’t actually against house music, for the most part I like it. Some of it sounds the same, though.

My point is, why is it that everyone who actively listens to it is almost all of the time a twat? Why have they got so much bravado? The scene itself has as much longevity in it as one of them stupid vines of someone “vaping”. I mean where is the individuality amongst the male demographic of listeners? You step into a club now and you will be overthrown by the ridiculous amount of 90s shell suits and well to be quite frank drug sweats.

Why do they all wear snap backs backwards?.. Inside? Hats, particularly, are an outdoor accessory and you see that flap at the front? Believe it or not that’s meant to keep the sun out of your eyes! Fancy that! I watched a Steve Jobs biopic once where Ashton Kutcher, as part of the role, wore a pair of New Balances, these shoes were once at some point or another related to a visionary, a genius, someone who completely changed the way the world thought. Now, they’re associated with some sport science studying, shuffling wanker whose biggest hero are the club promoters who stand in the freezing cold to earn a minimum wage.

What’s surprising is that clubs with absolutely no regard for anything other than making a profit allow this to happen; these clubs are more than aware of what’s going on but allow it to happen in the name of money – which just exacerbates the issue. Maybe they’re all up their own arse because they can get away with it?

Is house music cool? Probably not. I challenge anyone to go and stand in the middle of one of these dance-floors and spot the difference in songs. They’re all the same. This scene is a flash in the pan. Stop getting so excited.

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